by Archie M. Richards, Jr., CFP^®
August 16, 2004

Don't keep your dreams to yourself. Seek the advice, counsel, and possible financial support from members of your family.

Some families hesitate to divulge their personal money situation or inquire about the key desires of other family members. But money is not only essential for survival, it also helps to fulfill dreams. Family is the best place to learn what money can do to fund life's dreams.

Open a dialogue. Honesty, communication, and responsibility build relationships. Relationships break down when those qualities are absent.

Most people cherish loving and being loved. You cannot buy love, but money is one way to show your love for family members. In a broad sense, family can include a more distant relative, a godchild, or even a friend whose dreams matter to you.

Does one of your children hanker to become a chef, an FBI agent, or a business owner? Perhaps you can help make the dream possible.

Share aspects of your family finances with its younger members. Explain that for the last 60 years, U.S. stocks have compounded at 12 percent a year. Show what $1,000 grows to in 40 years at 10 percent a year. (Psst: $45,000.)

Would you prefer to help fund dreams for others during your life or after you death? As long as you don't jeopardize your own financial security, do it now, so you may enjoy seeing some of the dreams realized. If you want to gift to grandchildren, discuss it with the parents.

If a child is living beyond his income and depending on you to make up the difference, it might be an act of giving to cut the cord and let the child develop self worth by making it on his own.

Have you always hankered to visit the Galapagos Islands where Charles Darwin developed his theory of evolution? What can the family do to help?

If your husband, still vigorous, should drop dead, would you know what he owns and what he owes? Would you have access to cash? Discuss your dreams of being self-sufficient.

If you have an elderly parent, you might ask, "If you had a stroke and couldn't care for yourself, what kind of help would you like? At-home care or assisted living?"

You might also ask, "In case you go into a coma and can't make your own medical decisions, have you given someone a health care power of attorney to make those decisions, to help relieve you of pain? How do you feel about extreme measures to keep you alive as long as possible? Who do you want to take care of the cat?"

If you're helping your mom or your grandmother with her investments, but your siblings are beneficiaries of her estate along with you, keep your siblings informed about what you're doing.

If you own a business, does one of your children have the talent and the interest to manage it after you retire or die? If so, arrange for her to own a majority interest, giving her control. If all of your children have equal control and manage by committee, the business is more likely to fail.

But if one child will have control, discuss with the others to what extent the inheritance of your estate should be equalized. Uneven giving can create enmity in the family unless everyone agrees to it.

Are you leaving a legacy of values to your community? Share your interests with other members of the family. They might take interest too. You don't want them to feel you're giving away what they consider to be their inheritance. You might fund an irrevocable trust for members of your family. Gifts to the trust could match the gifts you're making to charity.

"Funding Your Dreams Generation to Generation," by Carol Akright, CFP^®, contains good advice on all these matters. I've met Carol. She's a fine, sensible woman.

Explore the dreams and expectations of everyone in the family. Plan together to help make good things happen.